more Mitch

I'm staying at this hotel and I dialed "0". I meant to dial "8", but I aimed too low. anyway, the operator answered and said, "how may I direct your call?" I said, "well, you can start by saying 'action' ... and at the end say 'cut' ... and if you want to go the extra mile, you can wear a beret and knickers ... and carry a big cone.

my belt holds up my pants, but my belt loops hold up my belt. who's the real star of the show?

when it comes to racism people say, "I don't care if they are black, white, purple, or green." ... Purple or green?! ... hold on a minute ... you gotta draw the line somewhere ... to hell with purple people ... unless they're choking ...
then help them.

I was at a restaurant and ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress understood me. She asked me, "how would you like your eggs?" I said, "Incubated! and then raised, plucked, beheaded, cut up, put onto a grill, and then put into a bun. ... aw damn, i don't have that much time. ... Scrambled.