get Arrested
These are quotes from the only show that comes close to Seinfeld for brilliantly off-the-wall humor, Arrested Development. If you haven't discovered this comic gold mine, you must check out the first season on DVD. The quotes are so much funnier when you know the characters (as with Seinfeld), but I think they stand on their own.
"What comes before everything else--what have we always said is the most important thing?"
"Breakfast."
"Family."
"Family, right. I thought you meant of the things you eat."
"Did you enjoy your lunch, Mother? You drank it fast enough."
"Not as much as you enjoyed yours--you want your belt to buckle, not your chair."
"He's your older brother, Michael, you could find a little job for him. Make him feel special."
"But he's not special, Mother."
"... no."
"Since when are you against leather? You're not even a vegetarian."
"I'm not against the insides; people need meat to survive."
"You are aware that they don't remove it from the cow surgically, right?"
"All you've ever praised me for is my looks! It's always been, 'Michael's got the brains, GOB's got the charm, Buster's got the...'"
"... high-fastening pants."
"You said that?"
"No I'm saying that now."
"We don't have to go to the party, do we?"
"Oh c'mon, this is a Bluth family celebration. It's no place for children."
"Where'd you get that outfit?"
"Mom gave it to me. I guess she wanted me to have something new--sweet old thing."
"Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me."
"Fine. I bought it before we went broke, okay? I just haven't worn it yet."
"What about the outfit yesterday?"
"... old thing gave it to me."
"I never see you anymore, Michael."
"You’re in prison, Dad. And I was here yesterday."
"Oh, yeah, that’s... that’s right. I’m sorry. I couldn’t break away from the poker game. Capital-G was down to his boxers."
"Strip poker?"
"Yeah, and it’s tough. We can really only play about two hands."
"Michael, have you forgotten the commandement that says, Thou shalt honor thy father, and protect him above all others, except for me, thy sweet Lord?"
"Yeah I don't think that one made it down the mountain."
"I don't have the milk of mother's kindness anymore."
"Yyyeah, that udder's been dry for a *long* time."
"We're not the only one's cutting down trees, you know. What about beavers? You call yourself an environmentalist, why don't you go club a few beavers?"
"I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest?"
"I'll never forget your wedding."
"What comes before everything else--what have we always said is the most important thing?"
"Breakfast."
"Family."
"Family, right. I thought you meant of the things you eat."
"Did you enjoy your lunch, Mother? You drank it fast enough."
"Not as much as you enjoyed yours--you want your belt to buckle, not your chair."
"He's your older brother, Michael, you could find a little job for him. Make him feel special."
"But he's not special, Mother."
"... no."
"Since when are you against leather? You're not even a vegetarian."
"I'm not against the insides; people need meat to survive."
"You are aware that they don't remove it from the cow surgically, right?"
"All you've ever praised me for is my looks! It's always been, 'Michael's got the brains, GOB's got the charm, Buster's got the...'"
"... high-fastening pants."
"You said that?"
"No I'm saying that now."
"We don't have to go to the party, do we?"
"Oh c'mon, this is a Bluth family celebration. It's no place for children."
"Where'd you get that outfit?"
"Mom gave it to me. I guess she wanted me to have something new--sweet old thing."
"Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me."
"Fine. I bought it before we went broke, okay? I just haven't worn it yet."
"What about the outfit yesterday?"
"... old thing gave it to me."
"I never see you anymore, Michael."
"You’re in prison, Dad. And I was here yesterday."
"Oh, yeah, that’s... that’s right. I’m sorry. I couldn’t break away from the poker game. Capital-G was down to his boxers."
"Strip poker?"
"Yeah, and it’s tough. We can really only play about two hands."
"Michael, have you forgotten the commandement that says, Thou shalt honor thy father, and protect him above all others, except for me, thy sweet Lord?"
"Yeah I don't think that one made it down the mountain."
"I don't have the milk of mother's kindness anymore."
"Yyyeah, that udder's been dry for a *long* time."
"We're not the only one's cutting down trees, you know. What about beavers? You call yourself an environmentalist, why don't you go club a few beavers?"
"I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest?"
"I'll never forget your wedding."
