"Who's On First" for the next generation

Dubya: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

Dubya: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

Dubya: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

Dubya: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

Dubya: I mean the fella's name.

Condi: Hu.

Dubya: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

Dubya: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

Dubya: The main man in China!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

Dubya: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.

Dubya: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

Dubya: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

Dubya: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

Dubya: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he's dead in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

Dubya: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

Dubya: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

Dubya: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

Dubya: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

Dubya: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

Dubya: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

Dubya: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

Dubya: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

Dubya: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

Dubya: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

Dubya: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

Dubya: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

Dubya: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

Dubya: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone!

Gosh!

Since the rest of the "contributors" to this blog are even bigger slackers than I am, I guess I'll have to continue supplying the funnies. Someone forwarded this to me a long time ago, and I remembered it recently because I'm about to change jobs (God willing). The friendly folks at my neighborhood Blockbuster have come closer than they realize to hearing a few of these.

Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud at Work

I see your point, and I still think you're an idiot.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't care.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

What am I, flypaper for freaks?

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

And your whiny crybaby opinion would be...?

Do I look like a people person?

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

Oh I get it... like humor... but different.